king shit

ok so you're sitting around on a tuesday night trying to think of something to do. you are bored. your friends are bored. everyone is bored. but then, inspiration! "let's go to the movie theater!" you cry. "but instead of going inside and watching a movie, we should sit in the parking lot and get trashed on specifically terrible beer!"

your friends are staggered. never before have they heard such an appealing proposal. only just able to contain their excitement, they look at you with a respect bordering on awe. suddenly the strain becomes too much, and your female friends (who until now hadn't looked at you twice) hurl aside furniture in their haste to throw themselves at you. everyone else is trying to shake your hand.

you are king shit.

this scenario is actually quite common. given the number of beer bottles i see in the lot each morning, i'd estimate it happens at least five times a night. I'm not even going to speculate on the appeal of drinking in a parking lot (although obviously there is something to it), but as a public service i will now compile a list of places more suited to public drinking than a movie theater parking lot. unfortunately for you, the public, this service will take the remainder of my life to complete because there is no place in the entirety of the universe less suited to public drinking than a movie theater parking lot.