morse code

the corporate office, in another reasonable, well thought out financial move, has decided to issue flashlights to all employees. although i don't understand this move (why do the kitchen guys need flashlights? why does anyone need a flashlight?), i am glad that this happened because I now have a tool with which i can flash obscene messages at customers in morse code.

sidenote: a woman injured herself last night on the broken stairs that are still broken and the speakers in theater six continue to malfunction.

cosby

last night i found out that a co-worker once sold marijuana to bill cosby outside of ben's chili bowl.

buncha savages...

another typically rewarding evening at the theater. of the fifteen checks i had tonight, thirteen left me nothing while the other two left less than ten percent. one of the thirteen went so far as to destroy her receipt, tearing it into dozens of pieces. this, i can only assume, was done to prevent me from writing in a tip for myself and forging the customer's signature. i frequently receive little in the way of compensation for my time and effort at the theater, but it is not often that i am insulted so casually, yet thoroughly.

if it ain't broke...

hire a workman to install some expensive equipment; this seems to be the philosophy at the corporate office. to combat the utterly non-existent problem of fraudulent clock-ins and outs, they have commissioned fingerprint scanners for the timeclocks. the practical effect of these scanners is that people can no longer have a co-worker clock them out if they forget to do so before leaving, and although this measure will unnecessarily increase labor costs it will also allow corporate to get mad and punish the forgetful.

so, lets recap: instead of using this money to replace the faulty speakers in one of the theaters, or to fix the damaged stairs that customers frequently trip over, or to hire desperately needed staff so that the managers don't have to moonlight as projectionists, or even to update the menus so that they actually list what we have available for sale, the corporate office has decided to use it to install a system that costs the company additional money every time it fulfills its intended purpose.

i am consistently amazed by what this company is and is not willing to spend money on.

let's rock!

the theater is screening this at the beginning of march.

yeah, i know.

opacity

i don't know quite how to tell you this guys, but i think i have bps. how else to explain the days of silence and self doubt following the unprovoked assault upon my person nearly a week ago at the theater? i think that the cycle of self-blame which has consumed me these past hundred hours or so is symptomatic of my occupation. having been told for so long that i am to blame whenever things go awry, i have had great difficulties evaluating my experience objectively. i think, however, that i am now ready to process what happened and i humbly ask your assistance on the road to recovery.

during my tenure as a tall, opaque person i have come to know about being in the way. i have come to grips with this state of being, both theoretically and in the practical sense. at the same time, i am also aware that the people who come to the theater are decidedly more interested in the on-screen action than they are in my midriff (hot though it may be), so when it comes time to drop checks in my theaters i draw on these two ideas and attempt to make myself as unobtrusive as possible. i crouch down or stand to the side, whatever is necessary.

thus, you will no doubt be as surprised i was when, after dropping a woman's check and turning to leave, the dumpy-looking middle-aged lady hissed at me. thinking she wanted something else, i leaned toward her (but not in front of her) to ask what she needed, and was rebuffed sharply. "you're blocking my way, dude." she hissed as she shoved me away. so engrossed in james cameron's not-even-good movie was this lady that my mere proximity distressed her to the point that she felt it was appropriate to shove her waiter. when i returned later to pick up the check, she had not looked at it, and was upset that i had returned to bother her again. we continued our little game until she finally realized that if she paid me i would leave. with an overloud, exasperated sigh she slammed the check presenter to the bartop and in a carrying voice announced, "i want all my change back, dude"

i bet this lady has a satisfying home life.

note: i am in no way making light of the victims of routinized physical and emotional violence. i have the greatest sympathy and respect for the survivors. we can have a discussion about this.

flavacol

this salt does not supply iodine, a necessary nutrient.

bathroom

tonight i saw two guys exit the same stall in the bathroom. blow? or blowjob? you make the call.

schadenfreude

buncha savages in this town...

class

some classy behavior at the theater recently. tonight a lady drank a lot of stuff and vomited (noisily I'm told) in the ladies' room. also tonight a dude drank a lot of stuff and got unconscious in the other bathroom, though he was considerate enough to not leave a mess behind and around him. a family was for some reason allowed to bring an infant into the building and they repaid this indulgence by changing it in a theater then leaving the full diaper on the bar in front of their seats. on the employee side of things, someone smoked up in the server hallway which is very dumb because it is a hallway and not somewhere that is ventilated.

gratuity

tonight someone tipped me a hotwheel. here is a picture of it: