because hey, free pizza

tonight i brought a woman a pizza. i walked up to her and said, "hi, i've got a braveheart here." i receive a blank stare. undaunted, i forged ahead. "ma'am, did you have the braveheart?" glazed look. nonplussed, i took another stab. "it's a spinach pizza with garlic cloves and goat cheese and sun dried tomatoes." i concluded my utterance on a rising pitch contour in the hope that the woman might recognize this extremely common interrogative signal. instead, she shifted her shoulders and craned her neck to the left so that she could see past me to the screen. the girl two seats over gave me a sympathetic smile and a shrug.

now, i’m a pretty unassuming guy. i am reserved in social situations and i generally don’t attract a lot of attention to myself. that said, i don't think i've ever before been so totally ignored. the woman was not the least bit curious about why i was blocking her view of the screen; she simply recognized that her vision was obstructed and took the necessary steps to restore it. well, although i was confused by this odd behavior, i wasn’t terribly bothered by it because hey, free pizza.

the movie she was watching by the way was the ugly truth, a vomitous little film which for some reason continues to sell out despite its total lack of any positive qualities. seriously, the best thing about this movie is that it eventually ends.

the final destination

the new final destination movie started showing today, and although i've only seen a couple two minute chunks of it, i am hopelessly in love with it. as far as i can tell, it consists of three twenty-somethings wandering around asking each other if it is really safe to be where they are. the dude assures the two girls that it is and although he is always wrong the girls totally believe him every time. after making his assurances, he is proven incorrect (often immediately) when a passerby gets decapitated by a flying tire or a plane crashes nearby or one of them gets accidentally nailed to a wall near a fire and a spilled can of inflammable fuel.

it's like the director is aware of foreshadowing (at least on a theoretical level) but hasn't quite mastered its practical application. despite this and despite the terrible acting and crappy dialogue and the tediously repetitive nature of the plot, the theater was packed for each showing -

which isn't surprising, of course. if there is one thing i've learned at this job it's that it is impossible to underestimate the public. but still, i am left slightly bemused by this movie's popularity. this one is the fourth or fifth in the series, so presumably the people coming to see it have seen at least one of the others. i am having a really difficult time understanding why someone who has already seen at least one crappy iteration of this not-particularly-interesting plot would not only wish to see another crappy iteration of this not-particularly-interesting plot, but be willing to use money that they had spent time earning to pay for tickets.


-----------------------------------update--------------------------------------


actually, i have just had a thought. maybe they aren't using money they spent time earning to pay for their tickets. maybe everyone who comes to see that movie does so immediately after holding up a bank or knocking over an armored car or mugging the pope.

i mean, a showing of the final destination (which, despite the definite article, will unfortunately probably not be the last one) is the perfect place to hole up after doing some crimes because no person with even a single functioning brain cell would go anywhere near one of those under any circumstances.

stuff

today a guy told me that lockheed martin faked the moon landing. tomorrow he is bringing me some "stuff i should read."