shorts

the theater shows short movies before and after showings to keep customers entertained and docile. the shorts, however, are uniformly terrible and i believe the only reason people put up with them is because they eliminate the need for conversation. if i was in charge of choosing the films, i'd show something good like werner herzog eats his shoe. unfortunately, this responsibility is one of many that i do not have, and so the theater screens garbage.

there's one where a girl talks about how transcendently wonderful post-it notes are. she must be angling for an endorsement deal because she says the phrase "post-it" 48 times in just under five minutes (i counted). the twist in the story is that one day she cannot remember where relevant post-its are and is mildly inconvenienced. in a different short, a woman is depressed on her birthday because she has turned thirty and works in a restaurant, but feels better when her mother calls and points out that she has a horse.

but my absolute favorite is the short entitled "snapshots from the american wasteland" (i am not joking with you even a little about this title 100% top serious). it is a montage of black and white photographs set to gloomy, brooding music. as you might expect, the photos display images of corruption and hubris, and are clearly meant to be provocative and meaningful (spoiler: they aren't). there are photos of the twin towers, barren fields and derailed trains, and a nice little juxtaposition between photos of impoverished children and laughing plutocrats.

the best part though is the soundtrack. the director has clearly found an older sibling's copy of f♯a♯∞ and decided to make a music video. the audio he uses is the spoken word intro from the first track of the album. so not only is he making a fake, dumb statement, he is making the same fake, dumb statement that a big group of canadian weirdos made fifteen years ago.

when he gets to ninth grade and reads the great gatsby, it's gonna blow his mind.