new shorts

we have new shorts, and although this means i no longer have to listen to michael cera talk about how he hates reading, things haven't really improved. one of the new ones involves some guy talking about how he is thirty five years old and doesn't have a girlfriend before he goes on to demonstrate why he doesn't have a girlfriend. just after meeting a blind date: "i didn't bring protection, but i think i have some baggies in the kitchen." also for some reason, this short has spanish subtitles. i don't know who this guy thinks is watching his movie, but i am relatively certain that no spanish speaking person has been inside the theater at any point. on the plus side, i now know the spanish word for "queef" (or at least what this guy thinks it is).

then there's another short where some mafia dudes take a guy to a warehouse and he says, "don't fuckin kill me. please don't fuckin kill me" for three solid minutes before they fuckin kill him.

i frequently feel the urge to apologize to the customers and i am told that the servers often do.