lucky charms

today was new poster day at the theater. as one might expect studios send promotional materials out along with the film reels. generally, these get stacked by the entrances and are available to whomever. as i headed out the door with lockheed on our way downtown, he noticed a poster for the alvin and the chipmunks squeakuel (shudder). perhaps unsurprisingly, lockheed's reaction was one of near unbridled enthusiasm. the chipmunks! together again at last! but despite his excitement, he had a few reservations.

the first of these was the inclusion of christmas in a kids movie. merely acknowledging the existence of the holiday in a kids film it seems is "an act of deliberate racism" against muslims (who apparently are a race now).

the second of his reservations was the inclusion of lucky charms in a kids movie. so concerned was he that kids would see their heroes, the chipmunks, condoning (and even advocating!) consumption of the popular cereal that he no longer wishes to see the film. but his objection is not the reasonable one. the revolting nature of the cereal, it's utter lack of redeeming nutritional and sensuous qualities, the destruction of our children's tastebuds, the ravaging of their young digestive systems; these things concern him not. no! again it is a "racially" motivated objection. the marshmallows in lucky charms contain that insidious goo, gelatin, which as you must surely be aware is a pork product. pigs are of course haram, and thus the inclusion of pork products in the chipmunks squeakuel (a boardroom full of handsomely compensated people agreed that that pun was a good idea) must clearly be interpreted as a sinister attempt to undermine the muslim faith.

damn those crafty rodents. damn those subtle studio executives.