opacity

i don't know quite how to tell you this guys, but i think i have bps. how else to explain the days of silence and self doubt following the unprovoked assault upon my person nearly a week ago at the theater? i think that the cycle of self-blame which has consumed me these past hundred hours or so is symptomatic of my occupation. having been told for so long that i am to blame whenever things go awry, i have had great difficulties evaluating my experience objectively. i think, however, that i am now ready to process what happened and i humbly ask your assistance on the road to recovery.

during my tenure as a tall, opaque person i have come to know about being in the way. i have come to grips with this state of being, both theoretically and in the practical sense. at the same time, i am also aware that the people who come to the theater are decidedly more interested in the on-screen action than they are in my midriff (hot though it may be), so when it comes time to drop checks in my theaters i draw on these two ideas and attempt to make myself as unobtrusive as possible. i crouch down or stand to the side, whatever is necessary.

thus, you will no doubt be as surprised i was when, after dropping a woman's check and turning to leave, the dumpy-looking middle-aged lady hissed at me. thinking she wanted something else, i leaned toward her (but not in front of her) to ask what she needed, and was rebuffed sharply. "you're blocking my way, dude." she hissed as she shoved me away. so engrossed in james cameron's not-even-good movie was this lady that my mere proximity distressed her to the point that she felt it was appropriate to shove her waiter. when i returned later to pick up the check, she had not looked at it, and was upset that i had returned to bother her again. we continued our little game until she finally realized that if she paid me i would leave. with an overloud, exasperated sigh she slammed the check presenter to the bartop and in a carrying voice announced, "i want all my change back, dude"

i bet this lady has a satisfying home life.

note: i am in no way making light of the victims of routinized physical and emotional violence. i have the greatest sympathy and respect for the survivors. we can have a discussion about this.